I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insecure with myself. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was smart. But I’m none of those. I’m going no where with my life and it’s bugging the hell out of me. I don’t understand why I got so jealous over the girls my boyfriend was talking about. Could be because I’m not them and they can potentially be better than my worthless self? Could it be because of my past and how things end up turning out the way it did? I’m afraid to get hurt. I’m afraid to go through it again. Every relationship started off this way. “It’s okay, there’s nothing going on…nothing between us” etc etc… Next thing I know, I’m called stupid for asking questions about who she is, or all of a sudden secrets are being kept and it becomes my fault for any of this happening. Maybe I came off too strong and gave too much of what I got. When I get upset or sad it feels as if I shouldn’t have moved too fast or got attached. Or maybe I have not given enough and I am lacking something they need. Idk.